This seems crazy to me. It really does. If you'd told me even 4 months ago that I'd be saying this I'd have vehemently denied it. I don't have time to sew today. What? Not be in my sewing room every single day? No. No...not possible. But it's true. I do go in there. I still have projects. I still love it. But it's not my priority any more. I just don't have time. I haven't been in my sewing room to sew for more than a week, and before that it was almost a month. I don't even work in a quilt store anymore. Most of the fabric I touch nowadays has to do with everyday stuff like wearing clothes, laundry and cleaning.
You see, I'm back in school. My priorities have shifted. Dramatically. I spend most of my spare time at the computer reading, researching, studying, writing, and turning things in. Crazy.
I have two classes through the BYU Idaho Pathway Program. I thought it would be easy since one of them is a religion class: Book of Mormon 1. Ah, I couldn't have been more wrong. It's...challenging. I mean that in every sense of the word. It's hard. It requires more than just reading and getting the right answers on a quiz. It requires me to Change. Inside myself. Which means that I have to change the way I do things on the outside so that I'll think different on the inside, therefore changing my perception and perspective of the world and the people around me. I have to ask myself why this should be so hard since my faith has been such a large part of my life since I was born. Well, maybe it's because I've realized how much I've depended on The Church to carry me along and I've neglected the reason for the church: To bring me closer to God.
It's too bad that it's taken a class and deadlines and homework and a 'Grade' to get me to do this but it has. I'm thankful for this opportunity and for the support I have from so many in my life. It's been and will continue to be a great blessing.
One of my assignments was to write up a Practicum; a working plan to accomplish a goal. We were given several topics that we could choose from and I chose the first on the list which was: Prayer - Sincere morning and evening prayer every single day. Easy peasy huh? Ummm...no. The key is 'Sincere'. Not just your regular "Thank you", "Please", "Amen" type of praying. We're talking the serious thing. The "I'm not going to lie to You. I'm not going to lie to me. I really want to know You. I really want to hear You. I really want to do what You want me to do", kind of thing. Twice. Every. Day. At least.
I had to follow an outline when writing this Practicum. Answer several questions in depth and then write up a detailed plan as to how this was to be accomplished and how I would be able to gauge my progress. Sounds a bit scientific doesn't it? It was actually a good exercise for me. I didn't want it to feel 'Scientific', I wanted it to feel 'Sincere'.
In a First Presidency Message given by President Benson in December of 1988 entitled "Jesus Christ - Gifts and Expectations" ther is a sentence that has been quoted by many general authorities since that says:
"Nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father and how familiar His face is to us."
This is what I want to accomplish. I don't want to be startled. I want to expect that familiarity. It may take the rest of my life, but I'd really like to know Him here, in this life.
Here, in this Blog/Journal, is where I'm going to gauge my progress.
Step 1: In order to be sincere I need to create an atmosphere of gratitude and humility in myself. I thought this was best achieved through music. So I created a playlist of music to listen to in the morning and in the evening and at other times when I feel stressed or depressed. I'm surprised at how much I've learned just through listening to prayerful music. One of the songs that struck me this morning was "Nearer My God To Thee". Just the first line had me thinking:
Nearer, my God, to thee,
Nearer to thee!
E'en though it be a cross
That raiseth me.
Even though it is painful, a hardship, a trial, a difficulty, a calamity, a burden, I will accept it and use it to be nearer to God. (!!)
*Here's some thinking time*
Secret Prayer
Hymn # 144
There is an hour of peace and rest unmarred by earthly care;
'Tis when before the Lord I go and kneel in secret prayer.
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- Chorus-
May my heart be turned to pray. Pray in secret day by day.
That this boon to mortals given may unite my soul with heaven.
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The straight and narrow way to heaven where angels bright and fair
Are singing to God's praise, is found in constant secret prayer.
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When sailing on life's stormy seas 'mid billows of despair,
'Tis solace to my soul to know God hears my secret prayer.
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When thorns are strewn along my path and foes my feet ensnare,
My Savior to my aid will come if sought in secret prayer.
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I've come to appreciate the messages in each verse. I'm making sincere progress I think.
