I thought it was no longer true for me. I pretty much gave up sugar over 3 years ago. Oh yeah, I'll have a cookie here, or a small piece of cake there. I don't make many sweet things at home and when I do I don't necessarily have to have piece after piece as if it were the last time I'd ever see it again. I can say "No thank you" without any feelings of regret when chocolate is offered and am content to order water at a restaurant, then have a couple of sips from my husband's Root Beer when we go out for dinner. I can even drink herbal tea with very little agave added, but I do need lemon.
The day before Halloween I had to go to Costco and pick up my usual supply of veggies, fruit, whole grain bread, soy milk and organic pumpkin seed granola. Then I saw the bags of bulk candy and realized it was almost Halloween. I can't disappoint the little sugar-a-holics when they come to my door so I picked up a single bag and called it good. (Was it a subconscious choice that there were fun sized Almond Joys and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in that bag?)
I was looking over the apples (HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF APPLES??) trying to decide if I would treat myself to some Honey Crisp apples or just go with the lower priced Fuji and got into a conversation with a young mother doing the same thing. Her little boy was munching away on some candy and she had 2 bags of candy in her cart. She convinced me to treat myself to some Honey Crisp apples, especially when I told her that I don't eat candy anymore...She was impressed. I was smug.
I got home, unloaded the groceries and started putting them away. I put the bag of candy on the dining room table (1st mistake, I should have taken it over to the neighbor's for safe keeping) and proceeded to find places for everything else when my eyes started straying to That Bag. At first scornfully, as the little voices started calling me through the cellophane bag and I dismissed them with the calm assurance of One Who Has Abstained. I don't know what happened then. I don't. I think I was possessed.
I Opened The Bag.
For all you mothers out there you KNOW: Opening the bag = ringing the dinner bell and saying "COME AND GET IT!" This was
One little fun sized Almond Joy lead to two, then three, then I just HAD to have a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup too because I just knew all the trick-or-treaters were going to trick-or-treat me out in less than 36 hours and THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY MORE because I don't have any children at home to rob!
I spilled the bag onto the table and threw that cellophane bag on the floor as I started pawing (PAWING) through the pile. I took ALL the little Almond Joys out of the pile and stashed them in a container at the back of my cupboard. SAFE! I guiltily ate one more Reeses Peanut Butter Cup with a large glass of milk (Ahhhhhh!) and scooped the rest of the candy into my largest bowl (it barely fit) which was comforting, I hadn't really made THAT much of a dent in it. Then I hid the bowl in the fireplace behind the chain curtain. "There", I said to myself. I'm fine now. I'm good. It was an aberration. It' won't happen again.
This is not the end of the story. Remember the little stash? The 15-20 fun sized Almond Joys hibernating in my cupboard? This is shameful, truly shameful, but I understand confession is good for the soul.
The trick-or-treaters came. And I was generous! I gave out two at a time to each little visitor, admired their costumes and waved them merrily on. Then I started worrying. The bowl was emptying faster than I expected and my husband isn't one to turn off the lights early. I began to worry that I would have to reveal my little stash ("Where did all these Almond Joys come from?" my husband would ask suspiciously. "They weren't here before.") I cringed. I was Lot's wife looking back to my little pile of pilfered coconut, almond and chocolate confections, loath to share it with anyone, and praying I wouldn't be turned into a pillar of salt. I started handing out only one to each little ghoul, and I did feel selfish. I kept looking at the clock, knowing that the door would be silent soon after 8. It came down to bottom of the bowl and those little Almond Joys were weighing heavier than a 50 lb. bag of sugar. But I did not relent.
I suggested that we just turn off the porch lights and close up shop but my generous husband would have none of that. No little sweet-toothed-beggar would go away empty handed from our door. No sirree! While the next trio waited at the door he leaped up the stairs and brought down, to my mounting shame, his own box of full sized Snickers Bars and handed them out. Guilt, Guilt, GUILT! But still, I would not relent. It was a matter of pride now. How shameful to reveal to my generous husband my smallness...I am small.
Then, in the end...he brought out the treats I keep on hand for my grand-daughter Sophie. (This is truly pitiful.) Her little bags of Teddy Grahams and Welches Fruit snacks. I couldn't watch. I went upstairs. Each step weighed down by the great weight of my, now 12, fun sized Almond Joys. I am a selfish monster.
The next day, November 1st, I made brownies for my husband. (He loves brownies.) He was having a meeting at our house that night and I decided to make up for my smallness and weakness by making refreshments. After making the batter I had a thought! "I am bigger than Fun Sized Almond Joy's." (A lot bigger.) I dug out my little stash, unwrapped each one and pressed them into the batter before baking. My offering to the new Sunday School Presidency looking for some redemption. How better to dress up chocolate brownies than with more chocolate and coconut?
During their meeting I went upstairs to sew and my beloved, forgiving, kind, and generous of spirit, sister Lisa called and I confessed...which lead to her confessions and we started laughing so hard I had to lay down on the floor. Tears flowed freely as we guffawed loudly and with an great hilarity bordering on insanity, (I wonder what those men thought of the insane cackling that was going on upstairs during their meeting.) about our similar foibles. We are sisters, it's true.
SHE! bought candy at the BEGINNING of October thinking it would last...after opening the bag. *snort* Yeah, right. Then she hid the bag on her husband's side of the bed. The honest man that he is would put the empty wrappers back in the bag, but SHE! would hide her wrappers at the bottom of the trash can so that he thought he'd eaten the entire bag himself. We are not so different. But there is comfort in not feeling alone.
I love you Lisa, from the top of your pointy head to the end of your webbed toes. xoxox
Next time I will not buy the candy. My husband will. And he will hide it...from me. He has way more will power than I do.
Oh that is just awesome!
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome!
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